always the bridesmaid ...

I was reminded today why I hate weddings so much. Or at least weddings for family members. It's all this formal bullshit -- the invitations, the cake, the dresses, the groom, the weird little garter thing. And everyone wearing these fancy dress-up clothes. I hate it.

My cousin, Erika, got married today to this guy named John. The wedding was on the beach at sunset, very pretty, small, and semi-formal. Everyone was barefooted and the smell of storm still kind'a hung in the air from all tropical storm Ivan going on. Sea air in my nose, I watched the scene from behind everyone else. I watched them exchange their vows as the priest talked about Adam and Eve and something about ribs. And as they exchanged their vows, i watched John -- I saw the look in his eyes ... no. I felt the look in his eyes.

And it made me sad. Because the chances that I ever have someone on a beach, in front of friends and family, look at me that way, tell me he loves me ... and pledge themselves to be at my side ... it's just not something that's going to happen. -- and that's not being negative, it's being realistic.

So going to a wedding reminds me that I will never have this event for myself.

And not only that, but I had to spend the day with my republican father. And of course, we discussed politics. I finally just conceded and said "ya know -- it's really all just kind'a dumb. They're both corrupt, it's just trying to pick the lesser of the two evils." But that's an entry for another day.