March 2005 Archives
I'm reading about the Terri Shiavo case (as I do every day now) to follow what is going on. There is one comment here that I think illustrates my feelings on religion as well ...
"It saddens me that we have to run to court and get court orders to protect Terri Schiavo from the abuse of the state of Florida," Felos said Thursday. "The conduct of the executive branch of the state of Florida has been reprehensible."
Ya know ... more than 20 state and federal courts sided with Michael Shiavo. And this person makes this comment saying how the executive branch of Florida is in the wrong ... it just goes to show how quickly people will condemn someone for not following their belief structure.
"Oh, you say it's her right to die? -- Well I think you have no place being in a legislative position." or "Oh, thank you Gov. Bush for helping us save our brain-dead corpse of a daughter. We're glad you're in such a position. You can count on our vote next election!"
I wish people will learn to except that their opinions and views are not the Will of God. I understand that these people love their daughter very much, and I'm very sorry that they have to go through this battle, not to mention the experience of losing their daughter. But ... what are they clinging on to? And why? And not to make this sound cold-hearted -- but what has all this have to cost? I mean the court expenses ... the medical costs ... the examinations by untold numbers of doctors ... I understand that you can't put a price on a human life ... but really. Why?
As most people who know me know, I was raised in a fairly religious environment -- Mormon in particular. I am no longer an active participant in the Mormon church, although I find I still believe a lot of the detailed dogma they teach. (It is hard to diffuse a lot of the fundamental teachings that you learn as a young child ...). The thing I liked about the Mormon church is that they had answers to a lot of questions I had -- and the answers they had seemed logical to me. Of course, that logic was built on a foundation of other Mormon beliefs.
With that being said, I don't fancy myself a particularly religious person. I pray on occasion (in Portuguese), but I will go into my thoughts on prayer in a little while ... I took this "quiz" to determine which religion best describes you. The results were interesting, and I'm sure would cause my father to shit enough bricks that he could build me a compound ...
Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.
Satanism 75%
Islam 71%
Judaism 54%
agnosticism 54%
Buddhism 46%
Paganism 46%
Christianity 46%
atheism 46%
Hinduism 13%
Never saw that one coming -- and before someone says anything -- No -- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not affiliated with Satanism or the worship of Satan in any way.
I see religion in two ways: One -- a desparate attempt for people to find understanding in a world of chaos and contradicting information; and Two -- a source of betterment for people who look to improve themselves from the inside. Spirituality and religious proclamations are two very different things. And people should learn to embrace religion, and not let the religion embrace them. I think a lot of "religious" people go in with a lazy attitude, thinking that attending a church service is enough to make them spiritual people. (And of course, I can't say that it doesn't ... ) But they go in, sit, and let someone (a stranger with a title, no less) tell them what the Bible says. They don't read it themselves -- don't think about stuff to enlighten and strengthen their beliefs. They assume that because they hear the story of Jonah and Whale that they are a better person.
And again, maybe they are. But it's lazy. And if they were to read it themselves and think about what they read, they would probably be a lot more spiritually secure with themselves and gain more from the experience.
I respect people (of any religious affiliation) that can study their religious texts and feel enlightened by them, taking them to heart to be a better person. I have many friends who are like this. I do NOT respect Sally Joe who goes to church every Sunday, sits in the front row and praises Jesus on high with a jubuliant shout, and then walks out and tells me I'm sitting in the mouth of Satan because I'm gay, that I will burn in eternal damnation because I was raised Mormon, and will go on with her day unabashed.
But hypocrisy aside, people use religion to make themselves feel better than others. Like it's some elite organization. Look at all the wars that are fought over religion. Look at the constant legal debates in the US over religious issues (10 Commandments, Pledge of Allegiance, "In God We Trust"). It is always because someone has to be right, and someone has to be wrong -- when in most cases, everyone's wrong.
People need to learn to respect the beliefs of others, but also need to learn not to shove those beliefs down everyone else's throats. I have no problem if people want to pray in school. I don't have a problem if someone sing O Holy Night in public. It is someone elses' beliefs - and they have a right to expression just as much as I do.
No religious affiliation is going to save you. No religious affiliation can honestly 100% tell you what's going to happen to you when you die. Someone may believe something, but they can't prove that because you get dunked in a tub of water that you're going to live forever in the presence of some eternal being. If you can be saved, it's because of personal conviction, not because of affiliation.
I have more ranting, but i have to eat lunch, so I will be back.
This is my first post from my mac using Ecto. How fun is that? I guess we'll see how it turns out.
Today was an eventful day! Around 1:30, the entire School of Nursing at UTMB shook. It was the weirdest feeling! Everyone freaks out when things like that happen. The last time something like that happened, one of the huge cranes working on the building outside our window had crushed a water main when the street collapsed under its weight. The crane then literally BENT over the building. That was a mess, let me tell you.
But today, the BP Amoco plant in Texas City blew up! That's a good 15 miles away and it shook us. Then there was smoke. I snapped this picture from my window (on the 4th floor) about 5 minutes after it happened. Then the floor was a buzz with gossip. The last report I heard tonite was 14 fatalities with 60 injured. It's very unfortunate. This particular plant also supplies about 3% of the US oil. That sucks. Oil prices have already shot up since it happened.
But most of all -- it made me think about those people who were involved in the explosion -- they went to work this morning with no thought that something like this would happen. And it just makes me think about how unsuspecting life can be. Things are going great -- and then something turrible happens. It's very sad. And I know it's a part of life ... but it's still unfortunate. Makes my heart hurt.
And it makes me realize how blessed I am to be where I am, who I am, with the luxuries that life has given me. I have a good family, amazingly wonderful friends, a new exciting job, an education, and a sense of well-being and happiness -- and to top all that off, I have a Matt who is just ... beyond words. And how can I not stop and say thank you for what I have? So to my friends who read this -- thank you for everything ... for taking me out to lunch and listening to me either bitch or gush ... for going shopping with me to pick out clothes for a date ... for taking me to the ER when I'm pissing blood and doubled over in pain ... for staying with me after surgery ... for getting me a new job ... taking me to vegas to celebrate my birthday. ... loving me for who I am and stupid quirks I have ... helping me pay for school so I can get an edumacation ... for hugging me ... kissing me ... making me feel like someone who's worth a gazillion bucks. I could go on and on. But it really all boils down to a big ol' thank you to everyone. One day I'll pay you all back with big and glorious things.
Well. What a day it's been! Starting off the day by waking up with Matt sent me off with a smile. Great way to start, if you ask me. But, I was also offered a position at Continental Airlines today as Senior Analyst of Interactive Marketing. Something I've been hoping and praying for since January.
I'm kind'a torn ... I feel sad to leave UTMB ... I've enjoyed the people and some of the projects (definitely not all, but some), working with the students, and helping teach concepts in the lab. Made some great friends here ... and I know i've now pissed some people off by leaving. But the opportunity with Continental is one that I just can't pass up. PLUS -- I'll be working with my bestfriend David -- like we did at Mongoose -- and my god, how happy that makes me!
I feel so blessed as of late. I mean, geez -- things at the beginning of the year were going horribly -- kidney stone after kidney stone ... and then I met Matt ... which is wonderful ... and now this -- a great job working with my best friend. I'm very thankful.
Very very thankful.
I left work a little late night because I was working in Breeze with Joz to try to figure out some of the media issues I was having. As I'm walking out to my car, I get a text message from Matt that says "don't eat."
The boy was at my apartment making me dinner!! He is so amazing! I walk in, and there are flowers everywhere! (well, not everywhere, but there were a lot of flowers). And he was making me chicken spaghetti -- and he brought Connie and Carla and had the best time. And he bought wine (and we all know how I am with a little alochol). I had probably 2.5 glasses which left me buzzin. Oh, look -- these are the flowers (I took them with my phone).
And then, after dinner -- cherry pie!! I've never met anyone like Matt -- someone who is so outgoing in a relationship, someone who strives to make me grin till my cheeks hurt. And we just laugh and laugh and laugh. And kiss and kiss and kiss.
We took a break during the movie so he could go to the bathroom, and so i sat down at the piano and started playing some beethoven or something that was sitting on the stand. He came out and sat on the floor next to me and started going through my piano music (which is mostly musicals). He's downloaded a couple of songs from shows to become more familiar with them -- and he pulled the book for Aida and asked me to play some songs -- and he just sang along with me. How fabulous is that!?
So yah, I'm giddy. And it's already Tuesday! So I'll see him again on Friday!
I posted this video today for Matt. It's something I've liked for a while, the filming of it, what it is, etc. However, it is very ... thought provoking. Perhaps it's different for me because I'm gay -- so I see it one way. What do you guys think about it? I wonder what Matt will think about it. He'll prolly think I'm a totally whack job for thinking it's sweet, despite the negative events.
Love to hear your comments. By the way, this is a song by Sigur Ros -- Although I couldn't tell you the name becuase it's not English.
I brought up the mention of 1337 $p34k at work last week when they were trying to come up with an idea for a team name. I tried to explain the conventions of leet, but i think i just confused everyone. Who knew that Microsoft had a guide for us.
So watch out, yo, if your kids start talking about pr0n. They'll be perverts and faggots before too long. (*rolls eyes*) Who comes up with this shit?
LAZY sons-of-bitches is what they are. Jesus. If you can't do something right the first time, why do it all? Apparently they don't realize that IE is MORE flawed that CSS 2.0. That's sorta' the pot callin' the kettle black, I think.
I remember several months ago following the whole Laci Peterson thing on CNN. Everyday it was Scott and Laci this, Scott and Laci that. It was a very sad story. Of course, I didn't know them in the least. But I did feel that Scott was guilty (from the things I read on CNN anyway, which could well be biased).
And today they announced he would be put to death. Lethal injection. I don't know how I feel about the death penelty. I think there are some cases where yes, absolutely, the person is a threat to society, complacent about his actions, and sense of illness in our community. Scott Peterson, I think, falls in that category. He is completely unmoved by his actions. He killed this woman who loved and trusted him. And as if that is not enough, he is lying about it, saying he never did it. Take responsibility for your actions, you piece of shit.
I feel very sorry for Laci's family. Not only because of their loss, but the added salt of the media circus, misplaced trust in their son-in-law, and complete lack of emotion that Scott has. What an unfortunate circumstance to put in someone's life. To lose your daughter or sister -- and grandchild at the same time -- must be unimaginably tough. My heart goes out to her family.
I sorta rearranged my office area today when I got home ... As most of you know, I recently got a mac-mini and it has fast become the apple of my eye (no pun intended). I'm trying to become a mac-boy, and it's coming along quite smoothly, thankfully. Davy and Adam have both been helpful with explaining things and providing software that is helpful. Of course, I need not mention that the first application I installed was FireFox...
With that being said -- I now have my PC in my bedroom and my Mac in my living room. But alas, I do not have a wireless network ... so I have a 50ft. cable stretch from here to Hell which my cat insists on attacking. But short of the wires, the setup is working ok. I can park my ass on the couch, pull my keyboard and mouse to my lap and work away. I setup my speakers behind me, so I'm listening to Rufus (Want One) while I write this incredibly dull paper on Logical vs Physical Network Design.
Today is only Tuesday ... that kind'a sucks. I'm not going to see Matt for two weeks because of his work schedule. And sadly, this is going to be a regular thing (every other weekend he's MINE.) They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I dont know about that. It makes me miss him -- I don't know that I can grow much fonder with out become a stalker and going through his garbage in hopes of finding stale tampons and used razors with which I can hack at my scabby legs.
So -- I miss you, Matt. I'm not sure how often you read this -- but I do miss not being spending time with you. (How sad is it that it's only been 2 days. LOL)
Well, hopefully I'll have some news to report before too long. But until then, I have to keep things on the low-down. Anyway, I think I've procrastinated writing my paper enough for the time being...
what a nice weekend! the weather was absolutley amazing. Very comfortable temperature, hovering around 79. i took the day off friday to catch up on some projects and be with matt. My mom calls me around 11am and tells me my mac mini has arrived.
the day stopped there.
I ran over and picked it up and played with it all day, hooking up my router so my pc and mac can share a connection and share mp3s. Prolly fidgeted with hardware way more than I should have ... but it's done. For now. I think I'm going to find another monitor tho, because I HATE not having two monitors for my pc now. :(
So I love the mac mini -- but I will save that for another post. :)
Friday began again when Matt shows up, kisses me hello and gives me these:
He also gave me a little stuffed lion named Kitty (that's what we call my cat). No one has ever given me flowers before ... and I think he did a smashing job on picking them out! Wow, I was just stunned and amazed. My original plan was to surprise him with dinner that nite -- and it turned out well, except for the steamed green beans. They were like little bricks. LOL! But I don't take the blame 100% on those ... when I was picking out the "fresh" green beans, I was like "these beans look fucked up. They're so rough and dry ..." I finally asked another woman there "do these look right to you?" And she picked one up and was like "uh, no. why are they all bumpy?" So I'm going to blame it on them. Pride mandates.
Then we parked our asses on the couch and watched this most HILARIOUS movie "Girls Will Be Girls." Holy shit, we laughed so hard. Then we watched "Die, Mommie, Die!" but I fell asleep in his lap while he finished watching it. That movie was no where near as funny as Girls Will Be Girls, but it's still good.
The weekend went out, ending on Sunday with the AIDS Walk. Together, Matt and I raised over $700 in donations. (More than half of that was him ... but I did ok too.) It was nice being out in the park with Matt. My friend JB, Matt's sister (Jennifer), and her husband were with us. We did the 5k walk hand in hand and laughing at this, that, and the other (and that old woman by us who had on more makeup than a circus clown). I'm rather sore ... pulled a little muscle. But it was a really nice afternoon all together. Then matt and I went home and took a nap.
Altogether, another great weekend with Matt. Very happy that I met him. As if the grin on my face didn't say that already. :)
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Ya know -- I wouldn't mind having children, i dont think. Provided, that is, that they are boys, don't have red hair, and can be created minus that whole vaginal interaction thing. However, I hate it when you go out places and think "damn, that is an UGLY baby. Put some more blankets on that thang." And sometimes, you seem them so happy and laughing and playing with other kids and you think, "Damn, that is one ugly kid! Teach it to play in the dark!" And then you look at their parents and think "geez, where's Darwin when you need him?"
This week has really dragged by. I mean, REALLY dragged by. Of course, i feel like I've had a gazillion projects to do. I managed to wash some towels. But unfortunately, I didn't manage to get those washed towels into the dryer. So i will be washing those towels again. I do that a lot. I'm one lazy SOB.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my former life and the people i was friends with. I remember when i was 8, I had this friend named Amit. Amit was kick ass. I have no idea what ethnicity he was, but he was so cool. We used to always make jokes about his name "Hey Amit, don't vomit on the comit." (Cuz you know, we were real original in those days.) I remember he LOVED Voltron. We both did. We had the little lions that you could build Voltron with (which I have now learned were painted with LEAD paint. Prolly acounts for my intelligence and love of things that sparkle.) He used to pretend he was Voltron and he'd make these noises (was hilarious now that i think about it.) But Amit was kick ass.
Someone, I ended up getting cat scratch fever in my right jaw joint, and i had to have surgery to drain the pus. Everyone in my class made me cards (which was very nice and all). Amit drew Voltron on his. LOL I remember this so well. I kept that card for a long time -- tho I have no idea where it is now.
Anyway, I moved that year and never heard from him again. I don't know if he knew how cool he was. So Amit, if by chance you should read this, you were a kick ass friend. I bet you're like some awesome programmer now who plans to conquor the world using PHP, JavaScript, and caffeine.
I had this other friend that same year named Chelee. He was russian or something. Was totally hot. Can I say that about an 8 year old? LOL
I also had a girlfriend in 2nd grade. Her name was Natalie. She had pink Jellies. And she went to my birthday at Showbiz Pizza and i kissed her in the balls. Well. LOL In that ball playpen thing that has all those gross kid germs and pee in it. Not her balls (unless ... well, boy wouldn't that be ironic.) Now that I think about it, she wasn't that pretty. She had blonde hair and was skinny skinny. Was kind'a a bitch. No wonder I'm gay.
But I loved her shoes.
Well, now that the rain has gone away and the sun (as bright as it is) is out, the world has become happy and stuff. Everyone is in a good mood life sparkles with sudden newness. (or something.)
I got an e-mail yesterday from Continental asking to schedule an interview for a position I applied for (thanks to David). Apparently the gods have smiled upon me TWICE now! First Matt, and now this!? Not that I'm counting my blessings or anything, but NICE! So I requested an interview for Friday and I'll just take the whole day off and do that. The weather should be nice. Thinking I'll go buy a new shirt for that.
So that put my evening off to a good start. So I was doing some homework and other stuff and Matt calls. He has some bad news (which I won't get into here) and asked if he could come see me. I was surprised ... I mean, he lives a little over an hour away, and it was storming outside. But of course I said yes. He came and we talked for a little while, i held him for a good long while (which was really nice) and just spent time with him doing nothing.
And he resolved a lot of my personal insecurities (which I also won't go into here) -- but I'm very happy with Matt. He's an amazing guy wh o makes me smile like no one else. We spent the weekend together in Beaumont, taunting the locals -- and I took this picture of him with my shitty phone.
today is rain. rain and rain and rain. i woke up this morning to the patter of raindrops on the street outside and on the roof. i turned off my alarm clock and laid in bed, listening to the steady pulse of nature. i was warm and sleepy. yuna was curled up next to me, oblivious to the goings on outside, and just laid there with my eyes closed.
and then i had to get up and go to work. stepped out of bed and walked toward the bathroom and noticed the bohemeth-size pile of cat puke in the living room. I see yuna was glad i was home ...
it rained a constant shower the entire way to work, harder as I approached Galveston. i listened to erasure's new cd, nightbird, - more as background noise than anything - as I drove in a rainy state of mind.
and now i'm at work. its still raining. i had lunch alone, reading my (very informative) book on using php and mysql to develop dynamic websites.
very blah day. kind'a a downer coming off such an enjoyable weekend with Matt. Going to an empty apartment kind'a sux that way. Especially when that empty apartment has a fresh pile of vomit in it.
be still my soul -- libera
I'm sitting in eCamp now ... I finished my presentations and I'm watching Alex teach our staff about some of the more advanced features of Google that will be helpful to them -- like Google Scholar, Calculations, etc. But I don't have anythign to do.
I checked CNN and read that gas is expected to jump $.25 in the next few days. What the fuck is that. People are being assholes about this whole gas thing. Like the energy companies are hurting for money. I understand that the price of crude is rising -- but heaven forbid that the energy companies might actually make a little less money. I mean, dear sweet jesus. Maybe I should pray ...
Oh dear sweet jesus,
please let us have free gas, or at least gas that doesn't force me to sell sperm so I can afford to drive to work. Please give me the knowledge to convert my car to run on oxygen or water and to inspire others to do so as well so that we can leave sad and drab desert regions alone and to live in peace. Please bless me with a good get-rich-quick scheme so I can retire next year (this work this is starting to get on my nerves). Give me the ability to make others worship me and think I'm wonderful, almost Christ-like (you've done it several times before to others, just - ya know - leave out the whole cruxificition thing if you don't mind).
Oh, and I'm sorry about that thing I did the other day with that thing.
Amen.
I came up from eCamp to my now-room-temparture Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. I'm also chompin' on some kind of mint gum. Together -- they taste a WHOLE LOT like Cherry Nyquil.
Escuse me while I barf.
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I've been having bizarre dreams lately - either really vivid, or really bizarre. Like, a couple of days ago I had this dream where I was in the ER again (wait, did I blog this? I have no memory.) Anyway, I was in the ER for kidney stones, hurting something fierce. These two nurses come in to give me an IV, but they give me two -- one in each hand -- and not like normal IVs. They do it crucifixion style, where they just jabbed it vertically into my hand. And let me tell you -- that hurt like nuthin else.
So then they're all we need x-rays. So I'm wheeled off to have an x-ray and they tell me i have a TWO INCH stone in my right ureter. I woke up right after that, thankfully. Glad we didn't get to the removal process, I might never have woken up.
Anyway -- last night's dream was equally as weird. I was in this big house/mansion thing that had a TGIFridays or some restaurant in it. It was me, Matt, Michael-gurl, Patrick, Brad, and that blonde guy from Dude, Where's My Car (not Ashton). Jennifer Aniston was in it too. But she was wandering around outside the mansion trying to evade Zombies that kept coming up out of the ground. There were dogs chasing her too. At one point, they ripped off her foot and ankle, and there was a lot of screaming and blood, but we just kind'a laughed and went back inside. (What does this say?)
So we're in the house and wandering around -- there are all these deadly puzzles and mazes and traps. We're all huddled together moving slowly down a hall. We come to an intersection, and down one hall are all these moving platforms, and the floor has all these numbers in red and black squares -- kind'a like a roulette or craps table. So the blonde guy heads down that hall, despite our yelling, and he goes and jumps on one of the platforms which then heads up to the ceiling. Next thing we know, his head is lobbed off and rolls down some chute next to us. We were like 'Yah, he was dumb.'
I woke up shortly after that. BUT I did, at least, wake up early and feeling rested. I've now worked almost 2 hours over this week. So that means I can take off early tomorrow and go see Matt. :)
I really don't have much to say today. Been a frustrating day really. Woke up by my alarm this morning from a hard sleep which left me feeling drained and groggy. Snoozed 3 times (which i haven't done in a while). Showered, drove to work -- and it's been a barrage of projects since.
I've been working on this new learning object to help students understand the epidemiologic triangle. Well there are aspects of it I don't fully understand myself (as I'm not a nurse or even in the damn medical field), and so I've been doing research to better understand the concept. Well my coworker and I were discussing various scenarios of how the three points (host, agent, environment) affect each other -- and we became stuck on one. I was chastized by my boss for being too detailed ... which frustrates the fuck out of me because I'm just trying to understand the goddamn concept so i can teach it. Pissed me off to no end.
And now I have this other project to work on where people have been dragging their feet ... and they want it done right away, even tho I just got the files today.
And now it's raining super hard out, gusty wind, and the sky is just black. I would pay money right now to just curl up in bed with a certain someone and just listen to the rain and wind.
Ok, the server transition went smoothly and everything is back to normal. I have changed my primary e-mail address from the old veryopinionated.com account. If you know me, you should have that address change. If you don't, be resourceful, and i'm sure you'll figure it out.
Anyway, so I'll be posting again soon. Just doing some file management at the moment, so hopefully I'll have things up and running soon.
