fun facts about god

My darling friend Alex sent this to me, and I just thought it was way too fun to keep to myself. So - learn about God.

• God is a mammal
• He appears if you repetitively press Ctrl+Alt+Delete (at least 5 times).
• God is away on business please leave a message.
• God could quite easily create a rock so heavy that not even He could lift it. He just doesn't want to.
• God is frequently confused with Dave Cauvin and Caroline Bardwell.
• God doesn't mind his job, but what he's really always wanted to do is write sitcom about a group of greek holidaymakers from the moon.
• God invented the sport of lacrosse, he strongly disagrees with the sport of ironing
• God smells like winter rain.
• God farts like men.
• God could kick your ass, but he's afraid of what everyone else's imaginary friends might think.
• God eats chips.
• God was cancelled.
• God may actually be synonomous with Clint Eastwood.
• E.C. is God, but in 31337, Bob will become God.
• God is actually a Pokémon,and his most powerful evolution is Godzilla.
• God lives in a giant yacht anchored on the coast of Oregon.
• God created Pac-Man from a block of cheese.
• God created NASCAR to test humans. We failed the test miserably and are the butt of jokes to this day.
• The word dog appears when you write God in front of a mirror, coincedence i think not.
• When proposing the idea of the universe, God was laughed at by all the other gods. In retaliation God put on a ninja suit and sliced them all up, leaving him the one true God.
• According to scripture, God is neither a man nor an ethereal deity by which the stupid proportion of humankind decides to half-heartedly 'dedicate' their lives to in some pathetic attempt to reach 'heaven'. In actual fact, he is a lawyer called James, who once did a poo without flushing the toilet.
• God hates people who spell his name G-d. Guilty parties are punished with Christian rock.
• God is responsible for 4chan.
• God eats a lot of sushi.
• God has three eyes, two of which can play mp3's but surprisingly not iTunes
• God's "Rockstar" name is Simon, but be quiet about that.
• Actually, the whole world is a bong and we are just bits of THC.
• God is a 17-year-old kid who smokes a little too much.
• God really was George Burns.
• God put the MTV flag on the moon.
• Ozzy Osbourne and God are drinking buddies!
• Godspeed is 0.99999999999999999999999091854725c (thats 0.99999999999999999999999091854725 times the speed of light). That's the speed at which 4.5 billion years passes in 7 days. (6 days working plus one of rest).
• God may forgive your sins but the rest of the world are gonna beat the shit outta you.
• God is always with you...yes even when you're having a wank! ROAR!