mid-january bluster

So here it is -- January 15. 15 days into 2006, time goes so fast -- but seriously, it seems like at times, particularly when I look at the time that has passed between now and Christmas ... it's DRAGGED by, and it keeps going slower and slower like it's a rubber band that's stretched out almost to its limit, ready to -- at any minute -- pop back and take your eye out.

I don't understand life most of the time. I don't understand why things happen the way they do - why we meet the people we do - why we make the mistakes we do. People say it's to make us stronger, better people, better suited to handle the shit that life throws in future days. And I know it sounds like I'm being pessimistic or have a tone of azure bitterness (woooo, i'm poetic), but I ... I dunno. It's not bitterness. I just want to understand something for once in my life. Understand why things happen.

I'm sitting at my computer, just as I always do, in this sorta nostaligic, pensive state of mind. Frustrated at not getting what I want, almost to a point of admitting defeat. And I stop and realize that, ya know, we all -- everyone of us -- in some fashion take a lot of shit. It just rains down on us list the most bitingly cold winter rain, every drop stinging and individually felt. And there are times where you're certain that those frozen drops will leave permanent damage, if not visible scarring.

I haven't been blogging lately, I know. A few things have been happening as of late -- since Christmas anyway. I met a boy named Peter and we've had four very nice dates with hopefully more to come. That was a most welcome chess piece to move in the start of the new year. I've been studying a lot in the evenings for my Flash certification which I hope to take mid-February (for the Flash Developer certificate, not Designer, that will likely come in March). I have had some teeth problems ... I've always had teeth problems. But now my family has so lovingly (my appreciation absolutely cannot be expressed enough) offered to help me pay for it all. It will have such a profound impact on me. I've had terrible teeth for as long as I can remember, and I'm about to have a new smile ... I can't even imagine what it will be like.

I've also started with my Lamictal again ... and I'm now on the 100mg dosage, and I expect things to continue as they have been, particularly once my teeth are complete. So I'm feeling much more stable and grounded, a brilliant feeling if there ever was one. I still think there are some changes coming, and I'm nervous but excited as to what those may be.

And in the meantime, I hope everyone's got enough coats and umbrellas to keep that frozen rain at bay.