Je suis tres triste por Paris. *le cry*

So I'm really not sure which upsets me more -- that birds are dying, that Paris Hilton has to spend 45 days in jail, or that someone actually sent the following letter to Gov. Schwartzenager regarding her impending imprisonment. I took the opportunity to highlight certain aspects...

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger:

Let me first begin by saying that I grew up as a child enjoying all of your wonderful films. You really are the truly great action hero for our time. You are doing a great job in the great state of California. Go ahead and kiss up as much as you can, dear. Like he'll even read it.

I would like to bring a matter to your attention that you may or may not already be aware of due to the excessive media coverage this matter has received recently:

Paris Whitney Hilton (oh lord.) is 26 year old American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. *SPEWS MILK* Did they really just say that? She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) (emphasis on MOST) our otherwise mundane lives. Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic “House of Wax”. In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some (again, emphasis on *SOME*) recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer.

As most of America now knows, Ms. Hilton was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007.

We, the American public who support Paris, (They make it sound like there's more than 1 person...) are shocked, dismayed and appalled (woah, watch out.) by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. I do not support drunk driving or condone a person being spared from DUI charges. (Perhaps we could try to contradict ourselves a little more.) Paris should have been sober. (Shoulda, coulda, woulda) But she shouldn’t go to jail, either. As depicted on Friday night’s episode “Nancy Grace” on Headline News (May 4, 2007), countless celebrities have been “slapped on the wrist” for similar incidents recently. Nick Nolte, Mel Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges. Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the same charges as Ms. Hilton just this past week.(And to this, we say it's about time the law has finally realized that celebrities are no different than us pedestrian people here on the sides of the road who swerve to miss their drunk oncoming ass.)

Singer/actress Brandy Norwood’s California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulted in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and a woman is now dead possibly due to her reckless driving. (If there's no proof of DUI, how does this have anything to do with Paris Hilton? Oh duh. IT DOESN'T.)

Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time. (shit. forget jail time. Commit the bitch permanently. Do us all a favor. Stop the spread of herpes, etc.)

This letter, with all due respect to you, sir, is to ask you to please consider granting a pardon to Paris Hilton for her mistake, or at the very least to advocate for a pardon to be given to Ms. Hilton. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. (Did her mother write this? So dumb.) She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday. She is distraught and understandably afraid to enter the prison system. (Apparently she's a better actress than we all realized.)

Please save Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility in California.

I urge you to think about the welfare of this young woman (/cry) who will be placed into a facility with murderers, rapists, people who have committed assault, battery, larceny, etc. (As if the bitch would serve with the common folk. Duh.) Paris has made a mortal error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made. In my humble opinion, if the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), (Wow. There's a comparison that should live on forever in history. Paris Hilton == Richard Nixon.) we as compassionate human beings can undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well.

I hope and expect that you will understand and please consider granting this unusual (albeit crazy and sophomoric) but important request in good faith to Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton.