Qualifications To Date Me

I was talking to my dear, and amiable friend Adam yesterday about dating and finding these people who live in this limited-computer world, where they know enough to turn on the computer, send e-mail, and watch porn online, but little else. I was like, man we need to come up with some qualifying rules to weed these folks out. His reason was that he was talking to some guy online and discussing music -- specifically the new Pink Martini album, Hey Eugene!. This guy liked it so much that he bought it on iTunes. Adam talked to him the next day, and he said that he liked the album so much that he bought the other two albums from iTunes as well.

I was like "OMG, why!?" And that lead to the realization that we can't date people who don't pirate copyrighted material.

So, here is my list of qualifying traits and abilities in order to date me.

1. Must type at least 75 wpm.
2. Must obtain software and music via nefarious channels (bittorrent, etc.).
3. Must operate at a minimum of 1024 x 768, and know how to change it.
4. Must not consider MS Paint a graphics program.
5. Must end all conversations with a closing tag />.
6. Must use FireFox as the primary browser and have at least one extension installed.
7. Must love and appreciate lolcats (I'm in ur google writing yr dating qwalifikashuns.)
8. Must emote using slashes (/hug).
9. Must provide necessary SoW when running late.
10. Understands that when i say =, it does not mean ==.
11. Knows how to hax0r my heart.
12. Doesn't try to pwn my arse.
13. Knows that when I need to be ... uplifted ... he should shout out a guttural HARRR!
14. Keeps a wizard's hat and robe under the bed for role playing in bed.
15. Must be CSS 3 compliant (guarantees you'll play nice with my mac).
16. Must E( 0 )3 or at least have high ass-pirations.
17. Must use iPod for more than music and porn.

If you feel like you meet these qualifications -- by all means, please contact me.