Another Day and Stuff

Today is a bitchable day. I don't feel real great, and I'm sorta irritable and fed up with the world and stupid things that people do. So I thought I'd make a list of things that make me want to cut myself.

1. Liza Minelli. Yes, you're famous. Yes, you're (semi-)talented. But someone needs to give you some tips with the makeup. Start with finding a foundation that actually matches your skin tone. Then trying using a smaller brush when you paint those eyebrows on. Finally -- smile with your mouth shut or get you some of those Crest Whitening Strips. Thanks.

2.So the West is becoming the 4th Circle in Dante's Inferno with 1,000 new fires reported. That's a lot of fire. Where's a giant marshmallow when you need one? How the hell are they going to put out that many fires? I think they should take all the prisoners and let them handle it. That way it would make plenty of room in the prison system, as well as cremate those who aren't cut out for the job. Oh, look! Instant fertilizer for the new plants.

3.Crocs. Why, dear God, why? Several of us stopped at Quizno's on Tuesday after going to the gym. Walking into the next store over was this older man (read: 40s) who was wearing this dark blue hawaiian print shirt with kakhi shorts ... and a pair of bright yellow crocs. That is 1 step away from being a crime against humanity. When is it that loved ones step in with an intervention?

4. My neighbors (upstairs) have obviously come to the conclusion that one of the amenities of living in the duplex is a home gym. For those of you who haven't been to my little piece of ghetto, the house still has wooden floors -- original wooden floors from back in Moses' day. So every weight that hits the floor -- every strained, yet audibly orgasmic moan -- every beat of the ghetto mid-90s-sounding music, falls like bricks on my dainty and highly irritated ears. I'd say something to them, but I'm afraid if I did, they'd take up residence in the washing machine so I'd never be able to use it.

5. I'm just so flustered with the President of the US that I'm afraid if I started cutting myself, I'd bleed out within 5 minutes. Someone needs to take care of the monkey man before he figures out what the Big Red Button™ does.

Ok, that is all I have time to vent about, tho I'm sure the topic of this post will likely be repeated. And often, at that.