The Long Awaited 2007 Year In Review

2007 was filled with nothing much but Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears, and Paris Hilton.  I mean, where would we be as a modern civilization without the media?

I joke.  Completely.

2007 was a smattering of good and bad for me.  Well, actually, i guess in that sense, 2007 really wasn't that different from 2006 or 2005 or 2004 other than having fewer kidney stones to report on (which is a blessing in its own right).  So -- here are some lessons from 2007.

1.  Movie musicals seem to be making a come back!  Hairspray, Across the Universe, Sweeney Todd ... Hot damn!  Granted, all of the them were less than stellar, but each shone in its own unique way -- and I'm still pleased as punch as to see the musical genre beginning to thrive again.  And look what we have to look forward to 2008.... Mamma Mia .... Repo! The Genetic Opera .... (Watching that Mamma Mia trailer actually made me feel 20% more gay.)

2.  Not everyone sticks around forever.  But you know what does?  Fat.  I haven't been able to lose this extra 20 pounds for the life of me.  Tried the gym.  Tried eating craptastically yukky frozen meals.  Even tried sucking in and looking in the mirror and telling myself it's just water weight. 

3.  Tina Turner was right all along ... what does love got to do with it?

4.  When buying a new house, just assume from the start that everyone is lying to you until you actually have something on paper.  And even then, consider the possibility that it's a lie and that the mortgage and insurance people openly mock you behind your back.

5.  Just because you don't know certain fees and taxes exist doesn't mean you don't have to pay them.

6.  When going furniture shopping, pretend like you're talking on your cell phone when you walk in to avoid the pounce from those insidious salesmen. 

7,  You don't really have to be 31 if you don't want to be.  28 works just as well.

8.  Being gay doesn't mean that you're going to end up being a single, sad, old spinster.  Just kidding.

9.  When you fall in love it seems like it could last forever.  But usually it's really for just about a month.

10.  Sometimes the things that we wish for are not to be touched...

11.  Don't eat Burger King's Cheesy Bites unless you want to spend your nite shitting out your liver.

12.  It's a terrible feeling having to console someone's heartache when they're blind to your affection.

13.  Hostess is stopping making Twinkie's in 2008, so stock up.

14.  Commercial radio just flat out sucks.  If I have to hear that goddam Soulja Boy crap one more time I'm gonna cut myself.

15.  Never shit in a cup on a video.  It will end up on the interwebs.

16.  Torrents and Pirate Bay are bad, m'kay?

17.  Highlights really DO hide gray hair.

18.  Always wear panties to cover your cooch when wearing short, tight dresses.

19.  Sometimes all the focus, concentration, and talent in the world isn't going to solve your problem.  And when it comes to that, I'm sure there's a pill that will help.

20.  You really never can have enough hats, gloves, and shoes.

So there you go, my 20 lessons from 2007 -- at least that I can think of for now.  It IS late afterall, and I've been drinking champaign and pomegranate juice.  And tomorrow, i get to take my tree down.  (Makes me feel like I should play Christmas music backwards .  At least it's supposed to be ass cold tomorrow.  Makes for a good stay-at-home day. :)